Low Self-Esteem in Tweens and Teens: How Therapy Helps
Written By Lane Balaban
It’s hard to watch your child question their worth. Whether they’re avoiding social situations, beating themselves up over mistakes, or withdrawing from things they once enjoyed, low self-esteem in tweens and teens can impact nearly every area of life, from academics and friendships to mental health and motivation.
And while all kids go through phases of self-doubt, persistent feelings of “not being good enough” can take a deeper emotional toll. When low self-esteem sticks around, therapy can help your child build the confidence, coping skills, and inner trust they need to feel more at home in themselves.
What Does Low Self-Esteem Look Like in Tweens and Teens?
Self-esteem isn’t just about feeling confident, it’s about having a stable sense of self-worth even when things go wrong. For tweens and teens, low self-esteem can show up in sneaky or unexpected ways, especially when they’re still learning how to talk about their emotions. You might notice:
Constant self-criticism or perfectionism
Avoidance of new activities or challenges
Difficulty accepting compliments or praise
Social withdrawal or people-pleasing behaviors
Comparing themselves negatively to peers or siblings
Overreactions to small mistakes or perceived failures
Saying things like “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do anything right”
Some teens try to overachieve to prove their worth, while others stop trying altogether. And because low self-esteem is often tangled up with anxiety or depression, it’s easy for parents to misread the signs.
Why It Happens: Root Causes of Low Self-Esteem in Youth
There’s no single cause of low self-esteem, but certain experiences or traits can make tweens and teens more vulnerable. These may include:
Harsh self-talk or perfectionistic tendencies
Academic struggles or undiagnosed learning differences
Difficulties in peer relationships or bullying
Family stress, conflict, or high expectations
Big transitions like changing schools or puberty
Social media pressures and constant comparison
Sensitive, thoughtful, or highly aware kids are often hardest on themselves. Even small comments or moments of embarrassment can stick with them, creating an internal narrative of not being “enough.”
How Therapy Helps Tweens and Teens Build Self-Esteem
Therapy doesn’t just treat the symptoms of low self-esteem; it helps get to the root of it. When your child works with a therapist, they get a safe space to explore the beliefs they’ve developed about themselves and start reshaping those beliefs with care, support, and evidence from their own life.
Some of the ways therapy helps include:
Challenging negative self-talk: Learning to recognize the inner critic and reframe it with self-compassion.
Building emotional awareness: Helping teens understand and name what they’re feeling so it doesn’t build up or come out sideways.
Setting realistic goals: Guiding them to take small, manageable steps that build mastery and confidence.
Processing social struggles: Exploring dynamics with friends or peers that have contributed to feeling “less than.”
Creating new coping tools: Teaching practical strategies to manage anxiety, perfectionism, or rejection sensitivity.
Over time, therapy can help teens develop a stronger, more flexible sense of self, not based on what they achieve, but on who they are.
What Parents Can Do at Home
While therapy offers expert support, the way you respond at home matters too. You don’t need to “fix” your child’s self-esteem overnight, but you can create an environment that nurtures it daily. A few ideas:
Model self-kindness: Let them hear you talk kindly about yourself, especially after a mistake.
Praise effort and process more than outcome (“You worked hard on that,” vs. “You’re so smart”).
Create low-pressure time together, without screens or performance, just presence.
Validate their struggles without minimizing (“That sounds really hard,” vs. “It’s not a big deal”).
Encourage small risks and celebrate bravery more than success.
Most of all, remind them that your love isn’t conditional on their performance. Being seen, heard, and accepted as they are is one of the most powerful forms of healing.
If your child is struggling with low self-esteem, you’re welcome to reach out about therapy for teens.
