Does My Child Have Social Anxiety? 3 Ways You Can Help
Written By Lane Balaban
Understanding the Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety
As a parent, you're hardwired to protect and guide your child through every stage of their development, from sleepless nights and scraped knees to school projects and emotional meltdowns. But as your child gets older and starts to develop their own identity, you may begin to notice more complex struggles that aren’t so easily fixed with a Band-Aid or a pep talk.
One of those challenges may be social anxiety.
Social anxiety is more than typical shyness. It’s a form of anxiety disorder that causes persistent fear or distress in social settings. While it's normal for kids and teens to feel nervous before a performance or a presentation, social anxiety goes much deeper—it can disrupt daily functioning, interfere with relationships, and erode your child’s confidence.
If you’ve started to wonder whether your child’s discomfort in social settings is something more, you’re in the right place. Below, we’ll cover the key signs of social anxiety in teens and pre-teens, and how you, as a parent, can offer the right kind of support.
Behavioral Signs of Social Anxiety in Teens
One of the first clues that your teen may be struggling with social anxiety is in their behavior.
Teens and tweens with social anxiety often:
Avoid social events, even fun ones (birthday parties, clubs, team sports)
Decline invitations or repeatedly say “I don’t want to go” without a clear reason
Stick close to parents or familiar adults instead of engaging with peers
Hesitate to raise their hand in class or speak up, even when they know the answer
Avoid eye contact, stay on the outskirts of group activities, or isolate themselves during lunch or breaks
These behaviors can sometimes be brushed off as shyness or moodiness, but when they persist and disrupt daily life, they deserve closer attention.
Emotional Signs of Social Anxiety
Social anxiety doesn’t always “look” anxious on the outside. It can sometimes show up as:
Irritability or anger before or after social situations
Tearfulness, meltdowns, or emotional shutdowns
Repetitive worries about how they’re perceived: “What if I say something stupid?” “Everyone’s looking at me.”
Reluctance to try new things due to fear of embarrassment or failure
Avoidance of group work, class presentations, or social risks—even with encouragement
If your once-carefree teen now seems overly self-conscious, on edge, or frequently emotional about anything involving peers, anxiety could be at play.
Physical Signs of Social Anxiety in Teens
Social anxiety often comes with real, physical symptoms—especially when social situations are unavoidable.
Look for:
Blushing, sweating, or trembling when speaking in front of others
A shaky or quiet voice in group settings
Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or nausea before school or events
Changes in appetite or sleeping patterns
Restlessness or fidgeting when in social environments
If your child’s body seems to go into panic mode around peers, it’s not just nerves; it’s their nervous system responding to perceived social threat.
How to Help Your Teen or Pre-Teen With Social Anxiety
Here’s the good news: Social anxiety is highly treatable, especially when addressed early. With the right support, your teen can learn to manage their fears, build confidence, and re-engage in the social world in a way that feels safe and authentic.
Here are three steps you can take:
1. Validate Their Experience and Teach Coping Skills
Start by creating space for your child to talk about their feelings without minimizing or rushing to fix them. Acknowledge that social situations can feel overwhelming, even if they seem simple to you.
From there, help them identify the people, settings, or situations that feel hardest. Then introduce coping tools they can use before, during, or after social interactions. These can include:
Deep breathing exercises (breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6)
Positive affirmations like “It’s okay to be nervous and still show up”
Visualization techniques (imagining a calm space)
Body-based strategies like grounding (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 technique)
The goal isn’t to erase the anxiety; it’s to help them tolerate it, manage it, and feel less controlled by it.
2. Encourage Low-Stakes Social Practice
Social anxiety shrinks your child’s world over time. To counteract that, we want to gently stretch their comfort zone, without overwhelming them.
Instead of jumping straight into high-pressure situations (think: sleepovers or giving a speech), start with small, manageable steps. For example:
Role-play conversations at home
Invite over a trusted friend for a short hangout
Ask them to order their food at a restaurant
Practice greetings or eye contact in low-stakes settings
Celebrate their effort, not just the outcome. Even showing up counts.
3. Seek Therapy for Teen Social Anxiety
You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t need to have all the answers. If social anxiety is interfering with your teen’s ability to go to school, make friends, or participate in daily life, therapy can help.
With your support, and the right therapeutic tools, they can move from “I can’t handle this” to “I can show up, even if I’m nervous.” Consider reaching out to a teen anxiety therapist for added support today!
