What Does Anxiety Feel Like for Teens?
Written By Lane Balaban
Anxiety is more than just being worried about a test or overthinking a text. For teens, it can show up in quiet, sneaky ways and often gets misread as moodiness, withdrawal, or even defiance. If you’re a parent trying to understand what your teen is really feeling, it helps to know what anxiety actually looks and feels like from the inside out.
Here’s what parents need to know:
What Anxiety Feels Like Inside a Teen’s Mind and Body
Anxiety is more than just worry. It’s a full-body response that can hijack a teen’s sense of control. When their nervous system perceives a threat, like being called on in class, walking into a party, or hitting “send” on a text, here’s what might be happening:
Racing thoughts: “What if I mess up?” “Everyone will think I’m weird.” “I can’t do this.”
Physical tension: Clenched jaws, tight shoulders, or jittery limbs.
Heart pounding, stomach flipping: The body’s fight-or-flight response kicks in.
Avoidance urges: Skipping events, procrastinating, or needing to escape a situation immediately.
Perfectionism or over-preparing: Anxiety can drive teens to overachieve or freeze entirely.
Irritability or shutdown: When words fail, anxiety can show up as snapping at you, or retreating to their room without explanation.
Many teens also report feeling like they’re “on” all the time, watching themselves from the outside, hyper-aware of how others might be perceiving them.
Why Anxiety Can Be So Intense for Teens
Adolescence is already a time of huge change. Teens are developing abstract thinking, social comparison becomes more intense, and their brains are wired to care deeply about peer approval. Add school pressure, extracurriculars, family dynamics, and social media to the mix, and you’ve got the perfect storm for anxiety to brew.
Anxious teens often feel like they’re supposed to be independent, but also still need support. That tension alone can spike anxiety, especially when they fear disappointing others or losing control.
How Parents Can Offer the Right Kind of Support
Supporting an anxious teen isn’t about “fixing” the anxiety. It’s about helping them build tools and feel safe while they learn to tolerate discomfort. Here’s how you can help:
Stay calm and steady. When you respond with calm, it helps regulate their nervous system, even if you’re freaking out inside.
Validate first. “I can see that really stressed you out” goes a lot further than jumping into problem-solving.
Name the feeling. Teens often feel relief when you say, “That sounds like anxiety talking.” Naming it helps make it less scary.
Model coping tools. Whether it’s a deep breath, a walk, or a break from screens, show your teen that regulation takes practice.
Normalize mistakes. Remind them that being human means messing up sometimes and that it’s okay to feel anxious and do hard things anyway.
What Not to Say to an Anxious Teen
Even with the best intentions, some phrases can accidentally shut teens down or make their anxiety worse. Here are a few common missteps to avoid and what to try instead:
“Calm down.”
This can feel invalidating when your teen’s body is in a true stress response. Instead, try: “I’m here. Let’s take a breath together.”“You’re overreacting.”
While their fear may seem out of proportion, it’s very real to them. Try: “It makes sense this feels big to you right now.”“There’s nothing to worry about.”
Dismissing their anxiety can leave them feeling misunderstood. Try: “Want to talk through what’s running through your mind?”“Just push through it.”
Anxiety isn’t always something to be powered through. Instead, help them build tools and pacing strategies they can use over time.
Even small shifts in language, rooted in curiosity and connection, can go a long way in helping your teen feel supported and safe.
Next Steps
If anxiety starts interfering with school, friendships, sleep, or daily functioning, therapy can be a powerful next step.
Anxiety in teens can be hard to spot from the outside, but it’s very real on the inside. If your teen is showing signs of anxiety, you're welcome to reach out about anxiety counseling.
