Navigating College Applications: A Guide for Anxious Teens
For many teens (and their parents), the college application process is a rollercoaster of emotions. As a former high school counselor, I have almost a decade of experience being seated next to these adventure-seeking passengers, supporting them as they make the gradual ascent into a world of anticipation and excitement… as well as building tension and fear.
I am going to be honest- this process is overwhelming. There is a seemingly endless glossary of terms to learn regarding deadlines, application types, standardized tests, and financial aid. Even when you learn this new language, there are still a lot of unknowns: What do I want to major in? Where do I want to live? How do I know if the campus is the right fit for me? What if I don't get into the school I wanted? What if I don't like the college once I get there?
Anxiety in this process is all about feeling out of control and drowning in the “what ifs”.
If you're a parent, guardian, or trusted adult supporting an anxious teen through this pivotal time, here are some tips to help them navigate the college application process with confidence and resilience:
To start, let’s give your teen some semblance of control with manageable checklists and resources.
Early Planning:
As with anything that feels too big to tackle, breaking the college application process down into manageable steps can alleviate stress. If they don't know where to start, have them research colleges, explore potential majors, and get a basic understanding of admission requirements.
Exploring colleges together can make the process less daunting. Attend college fairs, visit campuses, and discuss what aspects of a college environment are important to your teen. Reassure your anxious teen that they do not have to make these big decisions by themselves, but also make clear that you are not going to make these decisions for them either. By involving your child in the decision-making process, you empower them to take ownership of their future.
Organization:
Encourage your teen to create a timeline and checklist for tasks such as taking standardized tests, securing recommendation letters, drafting personal essays, and completing college applications by their respective deadlines. Set reminders, add events to their agendas and calendars, or take it to the next level and create a shared Google Excel spreadsheet or Google Doc (I encourage color coding these with colors that make your teen feel calm and relaxed).
Whichever organization strategy feels best for your teen is the right one to use! The important part is that you are using some method to navigate the madness. Once that's established, talk with your teen about a day once a week that you can check in with them about their progress. This allows you to avoid the “nagging” label. They will know to expect these follow-up conversations (just make sure you are sticking to the agreed-upon day) which will help keep them accountable to their timelines. Remember, this won't always go perfectly- it’s easy to fall behind on the application process when you are still responsible for managing current schoolwork, extracurriculars, and home and social life. But there is relief for your anxious teen in knowing that the weight of this process is not solely on their shoulders.
Provide Resources for Test Preparation:
Standardized tests can be a significant source of anxiety. To the best of your ability, link your teen with resources for test preparation, whether it's study guides, online courses, or practice exams. There are a lot of free resources out there (to name a few: Collegeboard, Act.org, and Kaplan Test Prep). Familiarity with the testing format and content can boost confidence.
Better yet, if your anxious teenager is not the test-taking type, start adding only test-optional colleges (that are within their GPA range) to their college list and remove the SAT and ACT stressors from their timeline!
Break Down the Personal Statement:
Narrative essay writing can be a source of immense anxiety. Break down the process by starting with brainstorming ideas and looking at “Essays that Worked”. Then spend a few hours a week writing various rough drafts. Encourage edits and feedback from teachers or peers.
This personal statement should be an engaging read with the voice of your teen clearly coming through. This is not academic writing so it can feel uncomfortable for an anxious teen who is used to a rubric and some structure. Encourage their creativity, descriptive language, and most of all their voice!
Explore Alternative Paths:
Emphasize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to success. Explore alternative paths, such as community college, vocational programs, or gap years. Understanding that there are various routes to achieving career and educational goals can alleviate the pressure to conform to a specific plan and can eliminate the fear that there is a “wrong” decision in this process.
Seek Professional Guidance:
Consider involving a college admissions counselor or consultant. These professionals are experienced in navigating the complexities of the application process and can provide personalized guidance tailored to your teen's strengths and aspirations.
If you want the best of both worlds- find a teen therapist who is a former high school counselor. This way they can infuse their knowledge of the application process in their sessions while they utilize their professional counseling experience for treating anxiety, school stress, and life transitions!
While all the tangible and practical stuff we just went over is absolutely necessary for navigating the college application process with less overwhelm, the key to helping your anxious teen during this time is emotional support:
Encourage Open Communication:
Anxiety often thrives in silence- it tells you that you are doing everything wrong, you are disappointing everyone, you are making life-altering decisions that can’t be undone. The catastrophizing just continues from there. Help break that cycle by establishing an open line of communication with your anxious teen.
Encourage them to express their fears, concerns, and aspirations regarding the college application process. Actively listen without judgment. Sometimes, just talking about their thoughts and feelings can provide immense relief- no tangible solutions are needed! The key is to validate their emotions and offer guidance without imposing your own expectations.
Identify Support Systems:
Encourage your teen to identify and utilize support systems available to them. This can include teachers, counselors, friends, or family members. Having a network of individuals who can offer guidance, feedback, or a listening ear makes the process feel less isolating and alleviates some of the pressure.
Normalize Rejections and Manage Expectations:
Discuss the possibility of rejection openly. Remind your teen that rejection is not a reflection of their worth or potential. Many successful individuals have faced setbacks in their academic journey. Normalize the idea that rejections can lead to new opportunities and unexpected paths. Encourage teens to set realistic goals and understand that the college application process is not solely about getting into the most prestigious institution but finding the right fit for their individual needs and aspirations.
Break Perfectionist Patterns:
Anxious teens often fall into the perfectionism trap, setting unrealistically high standards for themselves. Emphasize that imperfections are part of the human experience and that colleges value authenticity. Remind them that resilience and the ability to learn from setbacks are qualities that colleges appreciate.
Foster Self-Reflection:
The college application process is an opportunity for teens to reflect on their strengths, passions, and goals. Encourage your teen to engage in self-reflection exercises, such as journaling or creating a vision board. What are their interests, values, and goals? This self-awareness not only helps to create an authentic and compelling personal statement but also promotes a deeper understanding of themselves which makes choosing the “right” college that much easier. Added bonus: You might even get the opportunity to connect more with your teen by learning more about what makes them tick!
Provide Tools for Stress Management and Coping Skills:
Teach your teen practical stress and anxiety management techniques. This could include mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, engaging in physical activities like yoga or jogging or activities that bring joy and relaxation. Equipping them with these tools helps manage anxiety and promotes a sense of well-being during a stressful time. The ability to navigate stressors positively is a valuable life skill that they will absolutely use in their college years.
Seek Professional Therapy:
If your teen’s anxiety is impacting their functioning despite everyone’s best efforts, finding a therapist who specializes in teens and has a background in high school counseling can help your teen have one-on-one guidance through the application process while learning tools to manage and cope with anxiety, school stress, and big life transitions.
A Journey, Not a Destination
The college application process is a transformative journey, and supporting anxious teens through this experience requires patience, empathy, and a collaborative approach. By instilling a sense of self-reflection, managing expectations, and fostering open communication, you can empower your teen to approach this significant chapter with resilience and a growth mindset. Remember, the goal is not just to get into college but to empower teens with the skills and mindset needed to navigate life's challenges successfully. As they embark on this journey, reassure them that, regardless of the outcomes, their worth and potential extend far beyond the acceptance letters they receive. Remind them that it's okay not to have everything figured out and that there are multiple paths to success. Encourage a healthy perspective on the college application process as just one step in their lifelong journey rather than the defining moment.
You got this!
